Thinking of you

Checking my phone again,
again. Still no notifications.
Checking my phone again.

Open up Facebook on my browser and
I see no reds on the top right.
Close it. Time to do work. Open up
Microsoft. Type in the header of my essay.
Open up Facebook on my browser.

Do you think of me as much as I do of you?
Of course not. You are amazing, but so is she.
She is kind and caring and broken just for you.
You love her and I... I think of you.

Your hands are magic; the way they move -
dynamic. The music you produce, the music
you command, you capture the heart of
songs and songbirds alike, your voice
resonates the world and makes it
pause

for a minum.
You sang for me once. The keys engraved in my soul.
I still feel the trills and they bring me gliss.
I can't believe it.
I don't believe it.
I cannot believe it.

You are like a work of art; so abstract.
Your heart beats to the rhythm of a dance.
Your alluring eyes amazes me every time -
seamlessly symmetrical like periodic alliteration in a poem.
Your smile, your comforting smile,
bends like the smirk of a quaver rest.
Your clef, sexy as always, tugs on
the bold hard strings of my stave.
Sharps and flats everywhere.

But you are hers and I am not yours.
Those lips belong to her.
Those hugs belong to her.
You belong to her and I am behind the
lens of this happy moment captured indefinitely.

Let me check Facebook one more time.
Do you think of me as much as I do of you?
Of course not. Your dream is her.

Alone

The loneliness is driving me crazy.
Life has no color.
Hell, it's not even a silent movie.
Everything has just been reduced to nothing.

I stand in the middle and there is just nothing around me,
mirroring all the crazy thoughts and feelings inside.

I am not numb.
I feel empty.

My heart sinks and sinks and sinks.
I wonder what it would be like in the palm of my hand?
Could I speak to it? Is it still alive?
Could it listen?
I have been listening hard to it but it makes no sound.
The general of the army, that is the whole of me,
has gone down.

Every soldier lost. Gossips everywhere but
I hear nothing.
I stand in the middle and there is just too much going on,
mirroring all the crazy thoughts and feelings inside.

I am not empty.
I feel alone.

Bitch slapped

At first i was "alright"
And then I was "nehs"
But then I kept to my promise
And you bitch slapped me in the face.

Sure I don't need it now
It's not a life threatening want
But still I want you to want me
And besides, it's loads of fun.

But yea you turned me down
Two freaking times in fact
Once is embarrassing
But it piled up and stacked.

It's a bitch slap across my face
A bee sting on my dimple
Bear claw marks lay on my cheeks
As I began to whimper.

A sensitive beat root of a head
Pigmentation forming
Hot and searing from the centre
And tears streaming and pouring.

It was a bitch slap across my face.

"WE" was supposed to end later

I used to show off my emotions
whenever I deem fit
to let the others know
if I'm angry, sad or elate.
But this time it's different;
I'm keeping them to myself.
I'm bottling up my emotions
and leaving them on the shelf.

It's because of the embarrassment.
I don't want others to know
so they won't see the shame
that now I do own.
I've failed in this aspect
though it ain't all my fault.
But I can not be the bitch
So my mind's doing somersaults.
Cause you ain't some random one,
I picked up from elsewhere
but a sister of a dear friend
that's great beyond compare.

I can picture the image: the scene
of how it all went down;
your parents giving in
after seeing your slightest frown.
You pleading hard and whining.
Your parents on the couch
and they caved in to princess,
that I can vouch.
They said, "Send her a message
to inform her of this,"
and you ran happily to your room,
with your face gleaming bliss.

So you ended our relationship
with a simple text,
Blaming nothing of the universe
but saying it was stress.
You are bound to face it, honey,
whether you like it or not.
You are an adult taking examinations,
Not a baby in a cot.
It was taxing on me too-
your body full of medication
but it was certainly lacking in perseverance,
determination and dedication.

So we stopped our partnership
before it reached its term.
2 sessions more and probably,
this sadness I wouldn't learn.
Still, I'm glad it's over now
and best of luck to you.
I hope you buckle up real hard
before your time is due.

A Close OSAR Freshie Family

At first there were fourteen-

5 guys, 9 girls in a team.

All seemed normal, not the least bonkers,

oh god how wrong we were!

We had skit IC Vanessa,

the wushu warrior of OSAR.

Push her buttons if you dare,

but consequences alone you shall bear.

Michelle was great at packing

and, to others, apparently slacking.

But still she is, lucky as can be

to have been allocated Hall 3.

OSAR even had Sailormoon

as Greg popped out as a cartoon.

We laughed out loud to his demise

when his yue liang zao xia while he tried.

Charlene was ever cute and bubbly

Whose dance moves are so amazing.

Her geisha ideas were out of the world

as she showed how it was to be a girl.

Tong Zhen’s the scary female ghost

whom the guys fear the most.

A headlamp is just all she needs

to make you incapable of holding in your pee.

Talking about bladder control,

makes me think of a specific bro.

One that urinates anytime anywhere ,

it’s no other but Chin Ken.

Brenda oozes creativity

as she helped with all the lyrics

for our performance at SP night

and the cheer of OSAR fight.

We have future teacher Mars

who shines brightly amongst the stars.

She cooks a mean meal, definitely a steal,

you wouldn’t believe it’s even real.

Weiwen can’t figure out whatsapp,

but still make an awesome cat

His bravery is commendable

as he’s the first to make the proposal.

Eunice is so kei jua

2 numbers to add, damn extra.

Yet her activeness we need to thank.

Without her, FB group would’ve been a blank.

Miss Taka Melor Ayumi Nipple Saki

belonged to dear Frankie.

He discovered himself through inks of markers

and balloons and lipstick and powder.

Magician Jocelyn's amazing,

disappeared mysteriously after cycling.

She apeared again on the 5th day

when we found out who was the fake.

Argh! That asshole Hong Xun

didn’t even give us a hint.

Fooled us bad with his great acting skills.

Oh how betrayed we feel-ed!

And so we were left with thirteen,

that is when you include me.

A bunch of isanities, all gaining notoriety

but still a close OSAR freshie family.

You cant get your pigtails back

The pigtails strutted across the hall alone.
A walking temptation.
She faced sneers from other girls,

putting her down. She felt inferior.
Yet, she fought the pressure with tears in her eyes
until she caved in one day and

the sneers stopped.

She bled and teared on the bed where
the boy, paid for his service, lay.

She lost her pigtails in the mess.
She strutted down the hall
with the other girls.

As she sneered at other pigtails,
she could sense them sneering back,
putting her down. She was superior but inferior.

With tears in her eyes,
she knew her innocence was gone forever
once the other girls penetrated her life.

That little voice

You need to move out now.
I’m sorry for the late notice.
I’ll remember the good times we had,
and the bad times will be chucked aside.
But you need to move out now.

There is no point in crying
or asking for the reasons.
There isn’t any other choice.
So please turn around, do us a favour
and get away from me.

You need to move out immediately.
Your stuff will be mailed to you.
We’ve know each other for so long,
you are practically me.
We wear the same clothes everyday.
We look perfectly identical.
I’ve always listened to your preaching-
You need to move out now.

Please promise to get somewhere safe,
preferably far away.
You need to move out now, so
please close the door on the way out
of my life.

SYF 2011

You look ahead and see your mother.
Daddy is holding onto your waist,
Clutching it as if he meant to choke you.
Uncomfortable feeling. You shake to break loose.

You inch your way forward, alone.
You fear of falling down. You raise
Your arms for balance. Eyes focused on mama.
You inch your way forward, alone.

You hear the encouragements slowly die down.
People gossip behind you, putting you down,
Talking about how slow you are.
Your siblings are afraid you bring down the family name.

You persevered and fought on.
Tears dripped and music came out from your mouth.
And when you reach out for mummy,
Your aunt picks you up and everyone cheers.

Visiting guilt

I tucked you in. And on Thursday night,
When I come by, I will kiss you by the cheek.
You will take my coat and we will sit for tea.
I eat the cake you serve and feel it nourish every part of me.

We will chat about my old times.
Awkwardness whirls round the room
Like the rush I got when I was an adolescent.
A cup of coffee will get rid of it. A cup of coffee always does.

“Two cubes please.” It masks the bitterness.
I wipe the last few drops off my lips
And before you could converse,
I will stand up, check my hair and be ready to bid you farewell.

Then, you will kiss me by the cheek,
Sending shivers down my spine.
I will pick up my coat,
Once again forgetting to whisper, in your ear, “I’m sorry.”

Singapore

Singapore
A little dot on the map
Where on humid days
You would really need a cap

It is funny to think
Even as small as it is
To accomplish great tasks
Given to it

It just seems
So ecstatic to me
Singapore, my country
How major it can be

The merlion there
Standing proud and tall
A symbol of our country
Lion city, that’s what we call

Singapore, my land
My home, my country
You know I love you
And I know, you love me